Whoooa. Been away for a while. Not having internet is weird… but mostly just inconvenient.
listless. That’s a pretty good word. Look it up if you don’t know it. Still in transition mode. Everyday can be a struggle if I choose it to be. Some days getting out of bed is the most difficult thing in my life and some it’s easy breezy.
This is all there will ever be. As long as I let it be.
So. I’ve been in writers block lately. I’m all mixed up in the head but happy as a clam as of lately!
Been thinking of my future and MY plans and the direction my life is actually taking. I can’t keep my mind from thinking about when I finally finish school. I want to travel everywhere. I think I want to move to a different country for a while I just don’t know where. I crave being in a city that is full of History and Art. Maybe I’ll go to Italy or Spain?! Being single… at least as of now, who knows what this next year will bring, is perfect for my future plans. If I do find the one for me I hope that he will have the same dreams as me…I guess if he doesn’t then he’s not the right one!
I’ve been getting sick lately. I go to the doc tomorrow to see what the deal is. I’m just severely tired all the time, have head aches all day and have an upset stomach to go along with all of that. I’m pretty sure that’s not normal.
Next Monday I’ll officially be a resident of the beautiful San Marcos Tx. I can’t wait! I’m going to miss my friends in Houston so much, especially the ones I’ve recently become closer with.
I like that I’m going to be in a city where I know practically no one. I’ve found my coffee shop though. Tantra is a pretty cool place where all the hippies go. They have fire spinners and belly dancing among other things. I long to find some derby chicks also. Even if I need to make a drive to ATX once a week! Although I’m not sure if I can hang with the Austin derby chicks. They’re pretty badass.
Here we go. This fits my current existence.
Sing it to me Bowie. You beautiful man you.
I’m still dumbfounded. I don’t understand the nature of a human being. You say one thing then do another. I guess I’m guilty of the same thing, I just don’t see when I’m doing it to others.
If I’ve done this to you, made you feel like you don’t matter, then I’m so very sorry.
I guess with heartache comes clarity… at least soon after you realize the extent of the heartache.
My head and heart are at war. Stupid heart. Just surrender.
I’m guessing the reason my heartache is so terrible is because it’s mixed with other terrible things that have happened over the past couple months. I don’t know. Either way I’m tired of it. I don’t think I can take one more second of it. I’m surrendering everything. I give up thinking that you feel the same as me. I’m done creating these scenarios in my head waiting for the day you realize what you’ve thrown away.
If all I am to you is a courtesy wave then that’s all you are to me. Nothing else.
Now get out of my head and let me be.
while studying math my mind often wanders to my first love. Language. Today is the English language that’s spoken here in the states.
I’m just thinking about how in the American language there are so many different dialects and I’m curious as to how our language will evolve in the next 10 to 20 years. Especially when you look at how the younger generation speaks. I hardly understand half of the words they use.
Anyways. That’s what I’d rather be studying right now. But duty calls and numbers win for the time being.
I’ve got my stones all in a row. Each one ready to be stepped upon and forgotten.
The earth takes these stones and hides them in her deep soil. The stones suffocate there and eventually stop being stones but begin to exist as something different. Now they’ve become one with the earth again and start all over.
This phrase keeps coming up in my daily activities. (Seemed like a good idea at the time)
Aaaaanyways. So a few things coming up that I’d like to get out of my brain.
THE BIG MOVE!:
July 15th I’ll be officially moved into my apartment in San Marcos. I’ve been questioning whether or not I should have waited until August but with all that I’ve been going through in my daily life lately the more eager I am to get out of here. Plus I need to find a job and get all settled, not to mention find a cool coffee shop to hang and do homework at 🙂
One of my fears is that I wont find a place to derby. I NEEED to skate. It’s like an addiction. I know I can skate the streets but I want to be involved in a team. Support and companionship is important to me on and off the rink. I desperately want to find a derby family. I’ve been thinking about the friendships I’ve made here over the last few months. Some of which I’m going to be so sad to leave.
Hmmm, my apartment is pretty badass. It’s a one bedroom with a patio. 1st floor, hardwoods and in a frigging awesome location. I can bike or walk to school. It’s literally right across the street. Also there is a nice little spring that I can jump into that is practically in my backyard.
I love meeting new people. I love new adventures and I love being on my own. Just me and my pup 🙂
I’m not here. Not here.