How in the world do people do it? I wanna know the secret. I’ve always felt as though I’m walking around in a bubble. No one else, just me. I just can’t seem to get things right. When one part of my life is going well another falters. I guess that is normal. No one’s got it ALL figured out right?!

“Lottando” is a word I’ve been saying in my head all day. It’s Italian for struggle. Lottando makes you stronger, causes you to change your views on things. Causes you to make changes within you.

I’m just blabbering now


My last week or so I’ve dealt with a lot from my past. It keeps creeping up on me slowly. Speaking to my birth father for the first time in years was very hard. All the baggage that comes along with sustaining a relationship with  him seems to be not worth it. All the things I thought I’d forgiven him for have once again made a home in my heart, and I just don’t think I’m strong enough this time. He’s a taker. He takes and takes and gives nothing in return. I’m a lover. I love and love and get nothing in return. I think I’m gonna close that door again , lock it and throw away the key.

Easier said than done because no matter how much he hurts me I still love him. I mean he’s my father. Is that not the most fucked up thing?


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